It is the confession, not the priest that gives us absolution. -Oscar Wilde

you know that gnawing feeling, everyone has it. sometimes the lucky ones have it once in a while, the unlucky ones have it at the back of their throats; some days they manage to swallow the guilt down to their stomach, other days, there's just that burning, heavy feeling, threatening to consume them. 

today was a cause for the former type of guilt, the 'once in a while' guilt. class was on the 3rd floor, so i took the elevator up, as the doors were closing, i saw a girl rushing to the door, and was actually right in front of me. the 'open door' button was just 10cm from me, yet i made no effort to stop the doors closing, instead i watched her get left behind by the elevator. so close yet so far; she was able to touch my face if she wanted to, but she could not stand next to me. the whole way up, i felt an overwhelming sense of guilt; i know how frustrating it is to be left behind by the elevator only because the occupants inside refused to push the 'door open' button. i had done nothing to help.

if i had not noted down this incident, by  now i would have forgotten about it. i would have continued merrily down life's path for me. the fleeting sense of guilt has gone, due to the distance of time and space. 

however, when it comes to bigger things, actions that lead to devastating reactions and consequences, this guilt does not go away that easily. no matter how much you try, how hard to swallow the bitter taste in your mouth.. it does not go away. 

so i guess, what university taught me today is, think before you act.